For most of my life, I thought fairly fondly of my childhood and considered myself to be "trauma free". Even though I existed in the world in a mostly de-realized state, detached from my emotions and unaware that I was in nearly constant resistance to life. I didn't know anything else, and I didn't question it.

 

After a difficult breakup, I turned to spirituality and grew an interest in the nature of reality and dove deep into spiritual practices and texts. 5 years later, I experienced a spontaneous kundalini activation while praying to God whole heartedly, "How can I serve you?"

I was utterly confused to find my heart racing, burning from the inside out, yet trembling cold while my whole body shook as energy surged up my center and poured out my heart. The days and weeks after I felt like I was lucid in a dream, but it was different than the de-realized state I was used to. It was like knowing that this is a dream, and I am finally awake in it. But the energy also brought up all of my fears, leaving me very puzzled and confused as to what was happening to me. I quickly found out that what I was experiencing was a kundalini awakening, but there wasn't much information that I could find at the time about how to navigate it.

 

I began suppressing all that the energy was bringing into my awareness. I started numbing myself further with alcohol and people. This went on for years until I got pregnant with my daughter. Upon her birth, it was as if all I had been pushing under had come to a head and blew out my nervous system. I couldn't eat, sleep, or remember how to take care of myself. I found myself in the ER and on various psych and anxiety medication that I had horrible side effects from. For years, I spiraled in a perpetual state of terror and sleepless nights, drinking copious amounts of wine while trying to properly care for my baby. I was constantly complaining about my circumstances, draining the energy of everyone around me. I began growing desperate to see things differently. 

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2 years post-partum, I checked myself into psych in a complete and utter state of surrender. Luckily, my experience in psych was a magical one and the level of care that I received was unfathomable. I began to find more informative resources on how to integrate kundalini energy and made healing my #1 priority. 

 

Acknowledging the fact that that I was not in alignment with who I truly am and that I had the power in me to change that began offering a more empowering perspective. Shifting my focus from seeing everything through the lens of the past to the lens of mystery and beauty became more interesting to me.

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I understand now that my prayer was answered, "How can I serve you?" In order to be of true service, I needed to first give my own healing everything I had. Once kundalini is activated in you, she does not go back to sleep as this divine feminine energy continues to spiritually purify your system. Kundalini brings up all that you have been suppressing, so you can finally face it and transmute it. It takes humility, authenticity, honesty and courage. Had I had the knowledge and resources I have now (like KALI and the teachings of Aaron Abke), my path may not have been so tumultuous. KALI aids us in seeing our shadows in the light of awareness, so that we may work through them with more effectiveness and ease, priming our minds and bodies for a smoother kundalini awakening process. With less trauma running in the background of all of our reactions and misperceptions, healing is a miracle for not just ourselves, but for everyone we interact with.

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our greatest gift to the world is our 

 happiness 

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A few years after my full surrender to this process of transmutation and full devotion to my healing, I started to experience involuntary body movements while meditating. At first it was a lot of jerking and shaking while immense emotions would release that I didn't know I was suppressing. Incredible healings took place. I would feel as if a weight had been lifted afterwards and my reaction to life drastically began to change. Eventually, I began to experience the sensation of energy pooling at my third eye and crown while my hands went into mudras, waving back and forth. It felt as if I was now supposed to give this spiritual healing energy away. I began Googling "kundalini energy transmissions for healing" and that is how I found Minh Clare. One week later, I found myself at her KALI facilitator training in San Diego. I continued my training with Kundalini Activation Process (KAP) facilitator and Kundalini Mentor, Alexandra Michelle and have graduated from Aaron Abke’s 4D University, school for awakening and integrating kundalini energy. With every ounce of my being, I know I have found my calling. And now, my mission is to answer the call to those who desire to heal & evolve.

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I look forward to serving you with an open heart, as a non-judgmental guide. 

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With grace, 

Ashlee DeHaven

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